


It's Easier Than Pie

by losthpfanficwriter (erbkaiser)



Series: Quidditch Fan League entries [39]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Crack, Peter Pan References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-04
Updated: 2016-06-04
Packaged: 2019-11-26 04:50:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18176060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erbkaiser/pseuds/losthpfanficwriter
Summary: The books never explained how Voldemort and his followers learned to fly. Here's an explanation!





	It's Easier Than Pie

Snape's hand trembled slightly as he opened the door to the Malfoys' foyer that was now serving as the Dark Lord's throne room. Voldemort had been in a good mood recently, despite Harry Potter having managed to escape the same manor only weeks prior with the two other brats that always stuck to him like glue, as well as the Lovegood girl and the old wand-maker.

"Ah, Severus, you're here," Voldemort said.

"Of course, my Lord. You summoned me," Snape replied, his eyes cast downwards in submission.

"As you know, Severus, Potter is still out there somewhere and I expect he will be returning to Hogwarts soon." Snape nodded.

"I am tired of having him escape my grasp, Severus. So to help you in capturing the boy, I thought it was high time I teach you a helpful trick. Do you remember last July?"

Snape nodded again, then, noticing the Dark Lord was waiting for an answer, added: "Did you mean your ability to fly, my Lord?"

Voldemort grinned. "Indeed. Come, Severus. We shall go to the garden."

The two dark wizards exited through the patio doors and stepped outside onto the manor grounds. The night was dark, so that Snape could barely see his Master in his dark robes as they walked away from the house.

"The trick to true wandless flight, Severus, is an easy one. The idea came to me over twenty years ago, but I never perfected the technique before Potter's Mudblood wife tricked me," Voldemort said as they walked. Snape bristled at the reference to his beloved Lily but was smart enough to hold his tongue.

"In one of the Mudblood houses we raided during that glorious war, they had a television playing an animated film. ' _Peter Pan_ ', it was called. Are you familiar with the story?"

Snape shook his head, then spoke, realizing his Lord could probably not see the gesture: "No, my Lord."

"It does not matter," Voldemort said. "While my Death Eaters had their fun with the Mudblood's mother and older sister, I watched a bit of the film instead. You know I don't care much for such carnal pleasures. There was this idiotic scene where the protagonist shakes a pet fairy about and causes some kind of dust to fall from its wings, then uses that dust to fly. Obviously that is pure fiction, but it got me thinking."

"I don't quite understand, my Lord," Snape said.

"I did not expect you to, Severus. Ah, we've arrived." Voldemort stopped near the small aviary in the garden that had once housed Narcissa Malfoy's songbirds. Now though, it enclosed something else, namely a small colony of fairies. The diminutive humanoid figures fluttered about carefree inside their cage, at least until they spied the watching wizards. Immediately the colony stilled, then attempted to fly as far away from the aviary's door as possible.

Snape looked from the fairies to his Lord, confused. "Fairies, my Lord? But I thought you said—"

"We're not going to use their 'dust', Severus. Watch." The Dark Lord took out the Elder Wand he had stolen from Dumbledore's grave and pointed it at the door, casting a silent opening spell. With a twist of his wand two fairies were pulled away from their group, one clad in a tiny green dress-like garment, and one in brown. Voldemort caught the one in green in his free hand and Snape, quick on the take, caught the other. Voldemort closed the aviary door with another careless wand wave.

"Pathetic little creatures are they not, Severus?" Voldemort said, smirking. He put his wand away, then brought the hand holding the tiny fairy captive close to his snake-like face. "Now this may be a little difficult at first. I found it's best if you do it as quickly as possible to avoid the mess," he said to his servant, then opened his mouth almost impossibly wide.

Snape watched on in horror as the Dark Lord stuffed the helpless fairy in his mouth and nearly had to throw up as he heard his jaws break the fairy's bones, it letting out a last painful cry as it died. Fighting the urge to retch, Snape watched on as the Dark Lord devoured the fairy raw.

"Well? Your turn, Snape. Time—and I—wait for no man," Voldemort said, smirking and seemingly not caring at all for his follower's visible discomfort.

"But… my Lord, I—" Snape struggled to say, then fell silent as he saw the Dark Lord effortlessly rise into the air.

"Pathetic," Voldemort scoffed. "You'll get used to the taste quick enough, Severus, and one dose can last at least six hours. Come, let me show you some tricks. ' _It's easier than pie, now you try,_ '" Voldemort sang mockingly, performing an airborne loop over his follower's head.

Grimacing, Snape closed his eyes even as he did as his Lord commanded, reminding himself mentally that despite their appearance, fairies were not humans. In fact, they were barely sentient and they—  
"Tastes like chicken, doesn't it?" Voldemort's voice was suddenly in his ear, far too close for comfort. With a yelp Snape jumped, then looked down, amazed, as his feet didn't reconnect with the ground.

"Well done, Severus. I suggest you keep a few fairies handy yourself from now on… the next time the Potter brat shows up, I won't accept his escape."

Two dark shades flew off into the night sky.


End file.
